tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253239863381299302.post3723581703475723881..comments2023-11-05T01:48:19.305-08:00Comments on Writer, Author, Husband, Dad: Decisions of an Author, self pub or query again...Jamiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16358261456925009797noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253239863381299302.post-22482942582413712862012-02-07T20:27:14.412-08:002012-02-07T20:27:14.412-08:00Thanks for the input, even though I have already s...Thanks for the input, even though I have already submitted this to a few Agents, and the rejections are slowly trickling back in. I need to rework this for when I try again, or if it goes Indie. Either way, each draft is making it better and better.Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16358261456925009797noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253239863381299302.post-87116050170670549052012-02-06T05:29:30.220-08:002012-02-06T05:29:30.220-08:00I am reading it from a journalist's point of v...I am reading it from a journalist's point of view as though it is the back cover? You really need to bump the last part to the beginning. 1st line is always the clincher, it must draw you in to the key plot. Don't spend as much time with set up, I want to learn about it in the book. You also need to tie all the characters together, Shade and Dawn seem to be adrift. <br /><br />Last line needs to dangle the carrot, it has to tempt you to keep reading and not give all the answers (until it's the last chapter. LOL)<br /><br />It should start something like: Donovon wanted to kill his sister, it was forbidden in the old world, but the Earth is a different, almost lawless place now. After the devastating solar flares, the shattered moon is scattered across its surface bringing to life the stories children only knew as fairy tales. <br /><br />Learning to adapt to the new planet, Shade and Dawn (who are they?) are drawn into Donovon's murderous plot. With power failure rampant (bodies changing to their fabled roots?) and pockets of paradise few and far between, Donovan's plans seem to be working out until Silvia,____(insert her description)steps in to complicate things...<br /><br />Who knew a can of beans could thwart months of planning?<br /><br />Anyhow, just my thoughts. It sounds interesting. I fight with my own synopsis all the time, it's the hardest when you're so invested. It's hard to step back and look at to objectively.Nadinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07833703863125436753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253239863381299302.post-64990260409894163722012-01-20T12:38:55.415-08:002012-01-20T12:38:55.415-08:00Thank you. Great suggestions all and I am implemen...Thank you. Great suggestions all and I am implementing some as we speak.<br />I really need to formulate a list of email addresses and get this query out. Good news is I can always self pub it later if I should fail in my sales.Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16358261456925009797noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253239863381299302.post-26546276335299832822012-01-20T12:27:28.498-08:002012-01-20T12:27:28.498-08:00Given the length of the book and its complex plot,...Given the length of the book and its complex plot, I think this is a very good summary. My only suggestion would be to add a little more in about the children. I think you have the backdrop, but the struggle the children face will add conflict.<br /><br />Editing suggestion: "Most of humanity paid with their lives(.)(Now Dawn and Shade) must learn to adapt to a world where electricity refuses to flow, and the broken remains of the moon litter the surface of the earth with a fresh magic."<br /><br />Overall I liked it. Also, I think you should go directly to small press publishers. Most of them have cover artists on staff. You can query them directly just like agents.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253239863381299302.post-4129696868291757522012-01-20T10:09:06.339-08:002012-01-20T10:09:06.339-08:00Well I am starting to thing about taking one more ...Well I am starting to thing about taking one more swing at the cat and putting this out for agents. We will have to see if I can dredge up some email addys...Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16358261456925009797noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253239863381299302.post-57107164545414002312012-01-20T05:54:20.452-08:002012-01-20T05:54:20.452-08:00I think chella hit on every point I found. And, ye...I think chella hit on every point I found. And, yes, I would pick this up. It sounds very interesting. Good work.Wendy Janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13900244263712010038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253239863381299302.post-9282418248895033652012-01-19T18:55:49.257-08:002012-01-19T18:55:49.257-08:00I happily accept all input, no matter what form! I...I happily accept all input, no matter what form! I agree with you that I should have a touch more info on Shade and Dawn in there, they are fairly important after all.<br />I find if funny you mentioned "the rules" It bothered me, but I chose to keep it because of the younger age of all the characters. To a 17yr old "the rules" can be rather annoying. I will think on that for sure. <br />As for me being a master of writing? We shall see...<br />Thank you for your input and thanks for the visit!Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16358261456925009797noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4253239863381299302.post-43053721187163152612012-01-19T18:48:30.499-08:002012-01-19T18:48:30.499-08:00I just can't get over the beans, must have bee...I just can't get over the beans, must have been some incredible can! Hahaha. In all seriousness though, I'll give you some input, whether you'd want it from me or not. ;) <br /><br />Criticism first: Shade and Dawn are mentioned once in the first paragraph and then never again. If they are important we need more info, if they are irrelevant then removed from the synopsis. On the same note Donovan is only mentioned once, though it sounds like he is the protagonist. I would think as such his character should weave through the entire synopsis, and ideally be introduced in the first or second paragraph? <br /><br />Also I believe your writing skills can find something better to use than "the rules".<br /><br />Praise: I love the first three paragraphs (aside from said critiques). They are beautiful and even from those few sentences I can feel the change happening in the world you speak of. You easily depict the anger and sympathy for the humans who ruined it before, as well as the excitement and enchantment of what seems to be a new world dawning, one that I would want to read about. I really love the language used: 'fresh magic' and 'pockets of paradise', etc. Very intriguing.<br /><br />Just my humple opinions, you are the master of your writing and no one can tell you how it should or should not be. :)The Tribal Wayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11763755764113507229noreply@blogger.com