The power to create a world, solely from the words written by your own mind, is a gift that should never be hidden.

Friday, 9 March 2012


Everyone has it in some level.
I know this to be true.
Some people get headaches, others deal with emotional pain, while still others deal with the physical pain.
I have the physical pain.
There is a problem though. I was raised to be tough. Don't show your pain. Keep it inside and just deal with it.
That only works for a while.
What do you do when you can't do that anymore?
As a "man" society expects you to get over it. Deal with it. Move on.
I have been, I am, and I still will, much can a person take before it breaks them?
What is my breaking point?

I injured my shoulder at work. There was no blood, there was no screaming. I just did it, and for years now I have been sucking it up. Yes, years. The last has been the worst.

I noticed in the spring of last year I had a real problem when I tried to throw a ball for my son. I would toss it a ways and he would run after it laughing. "Throw it farther Dad!" So I did...try.
I was never a slouch at throwing a ball, I could toss one from the outfield to the infield with little difficulty. I tried to throw it far and it barely went 20 feet, and a gun shot went off in my arm.
I had to tell him I couldn't throw a ball.
Spring is coming up again fast, and already he is asking me to do things I just can't do.
I can't climb a rope one handed. I can't play at the park one handed (very well). The list is sure to grow as we will be taking out the bikes soon...
So I am scheduled for surgery in the near future. The specialist has informed me I will need at least 6 weeks off work. Or at the very least, I can't move my arm after the surgery.
I am hating this.
I don't want to be "That guy".
I want to keep "Sucking it up for the company I have worked 18 years for."
I don't want to be the "Trouble employee".
Yet, I know, if I don't get this done I will never heal properly. I will not get the chance to throw a ball for my boy.
My mind is so conflicted here, I want it all to be swept under the rug. I want to pretend I am fine and there is nothing wrong. The people I deal with every day don't see my pain, usually. Most don't even notice I am only using half my body, let alone care.
One particular person actually keeps trying to tell me to hit the gym. "You need to work out." he says.
He doesn't know, or care, that I can't even lift a bottle with my right arm without feeling the heat in my neck, the rip in my shoulder, or the swelling in my right hand from over use.
I am just an employee to be used.
My state doesn't matter.
Just do your job and deal with the


  1. You know, I think it doesn't matter if you're the "trouble" guy at work or even hiding your pain. I have intense pain in my arms and sometimes, I can't fall asleep because they ache so much. I was forced to give up tennis because holding the racket was too much for my arthritis and RSI.

    Getting the surgery for your shoulder and being able to play with your son will be worth it. It takes strength and courage to admit that you hurt, so hooray for you. :) I hope you have a swift recovery!

    1. Thank you!
      I will be getting my shoulder fixed regardless of what my work does. My life doesn't start when I walk in their doors, it starts at the end of the day when I walk out of them.

  2. Sorry to hear that. Hopefully you will get it fixed and then can do all of the things that your son wants you to do with him. My husband has the same issue with his job. They don't care about the employees health really, they just pretend to.
    Good luck! :)