The power to create a world, solely from the words written by your own mind, is a gift that should never be hidden.

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

5 Years Ago

If you are easily upset perhaps it is not the best time to be reading this post. It's not bad as per say but it could be viewed as depressing to some.

It is over 5 years ago now that I was diagnosed with MS. It isn't exactly a secret that I have it and as far as the disease goes I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I came to find out I had it when I lost about 25% of my vision in both eyes. If you were to think of your vision as a circle and then place some cross hairs through that, I lost the lower left side of that circle. In hind sight it was a very interesting experience. It wasn't like there was a black hole there or anything, it was just gone. Very hard to explain and it is an experience I would rather not have to repeat, ever. At the time though it scared the shit out of me as well as my doctors. They told me at first that I had a stroke. I was only 32 then. So with no wasting of time I was rushed off to the closest town that had an MRI machine and jammed into it so they could see if it was true. It didn't take much longer to figure out that it wasn't a stroke just MS.
So, after all that you that are still reading this might be asking. Ok, so why do you type this now?
Well, since that time I have been pretty lucky. If I did have any other attacks they were small and usually didn't last that long. A month and a half was about the longest. So in the last 5 years I have learned what the symptoms usually feel like and when it's just my body being usual self. I have been feeling something odd for about the last week and as of today I know it is another attack. I have had this kind before too. I refer to it as chronic leg pain. The doctors like to use a pain scale of 1 - 10 to identify your pain. When I threw out my back some time ago I was at a high 7. When I broke a bone it was at a 9.8. This leg pain is at a 4. Now all those sticking with me to this part are saying. "A 4? Whats wrong with that? It's not so bad." And when you think of it like that, it isn't that bad at all. It could be so much worse. Except, it doesn't go away. There are no breaks, there are no waves. It is always just there. Think of someone pressing a finger against your skin and leaving it there. Day, after day, after day. For over a month. That is what the 4 is like to me, all over my legs. You can hold it in and ignore it for a while but there comes a time when tension starts to build and no matter how hard you try the pain gets to you. You get annoyed, you snap at people or some days you just want to cry. I am not there yet, I can still smile and play with my kids. I have been through this once, I can do it again.
Perhaps it is best if most don't read this far. Now at the bottom I know that I wrote this more for myself then for anyone else. One of the biggest problems with MS is that there is so little that can be done to help. My wife feels this more then anyone else I know and she will not like this post in the least. For that I am sorry. Sometimes the words just have to be said even if they are read or not. But never fear! I still have my humor!

The link is for people who want to know more.


  1. This is your blog, it's your space to express yourself. I am glad you wrote about this since you seem to have needed to.

  2. Thanks Kelly :) The pain is fading slowly again in my legs. So I can move back to the writing soon. It is harder to concentrate when you are always feeling pain in the background.
    Thanks for stopping in as well! :)