Made of Awesome Contest!

Not to be confused with the Maid of Awesome Contest. That is a horse of a different color.

So here's the new contest. It'll be similar to the Twitter Pitch contest with the critique round and the judging round. But instead of entering a twitter pitch, we're doing a first page contest. (their words, not mine)
Here is the link to the actual contest entry page. If you know me, you probably have already been there... 100 times.

On May 28th, post your title, genre, word count and the first 250 words on your blog for critique.
Here be mine.
(I have revised my first 250 words and it is now up for review in the time that is left. The old version is still below for a comparison.)

The Event.
Sci/fi Fantasy
96000 words

Chapter 1 (2nd revision)

Days before the event happened worldwide panic set in. I remember my parents telling me we had to leave quickly. My father rushed around the house grabbing things. Our camping gear, lanterns, batteries all flew into the car. My mother grabbed food, as much as she could stuff into our four door sedan. I jumped into the driver’s seat but my dad sent me such a glare that I just mumbled a sorry and moved to the back. I had never seen my dad drive that fast before as we practically flew away from our house, while both my parents had a heated argument about a store. As my dad drove past the store he barely slowed down. Gunshots could be heard ringing from inside. Every window was broken and people were running around carrying armloads of items. Some of the weirdest things can stick in your head. I remember one man; his eyes were wide in terror as he held a bag of dog food in his arms. Dog food, I could never understand why a person would have grabbed that and risked his life for it. My dad gave my mom a look and floored it away from the store. Lawns and houses blurred by so fast it looked like one long strip of green.

           
            My Dad took us into the woods. There was an old cabin tucked away in a valley near a small lake; its waters were crystal clear. He said we were lucky no-one else came to this spot.

Chapter 1 (original)

            No one knew the devastation it would bring. The world I knew as a child was gone. Most days I can scarcely remember what it was like then. I do remember it was a time of convenience. Everyone had everything, or so I thought in my youth. Fancy cars, polished to shine in the sun lined the roads. Every yard was lush and green. Houses were all neat and tidy and the streets were always lit up bright every night.

           
            Days before the event happened the worldwide panic set in. I remember my parents telling me we had to leave quickly. My father rushed around the house grabbing things. Our camping gear, lanterns, batteries all flew into the car. My mother grabbed food, as much as she could stuff into our four door sedan. I had never seen my dad drive that fast before as we practically flew away from our house, while both my parents had a heated argument about a store. As my dad drove past the store he barely slowed down. Gunshots could be heard ringing from inside. Every window was broken and people were running around carrying armloads of items. Some of the weirdest things can stick in your head. I remember one man; his eyes were wide in terror as he held a bag of dog food in his arms. Dog food, I could never understand why a person would have grabbed that and risked his life for it. My dad gave my mom a look and floored it away from the store.


I am ready for your words of encouragement! Or if that fails, tell me what you don't like about it I want to hear from YOU! At the very least you can slap a thumbs up or down right under this post. Thanks for visiting, and good luck in the contest!